Matthew's Hypothecary
My mission is to fill a void with quality hard-to-find products for the 21st Century ... and beyond!
This is my side-hustle for when double basses are no longer fashionable, and the well runs dry. Please contact me for pre-orders or to request new products.
A single spoonful of Gorm spread on toast every morning will keep your teenage boy alert and helpful all day long.
Everyone has a hapless friend. Just a few crumbs of finest Hap makes the perfect gift. Oh lucky day!
For the person who has almost everything, just one of these Social Graces worn before leaving the house will keep them fresh and friendly all day long!
Fresh Qualms in stock again! Perfect for lawyers and daredevils. One or more of these taken in the morning will keep them safe and dry.
After a worldwide shortage, Scruples are now again available. Bulk discounts for politicians, landlords and property developers.
Finest quality Tact, imported from outer Rutland. Recommended usage - place a small quantity under the tongue before making an observation about anyone's looks or political or religious views. Has other uses. Sold by the gram.
Favourite drink of losers and misfits. This is the original brew; weak, slightly salty and with ample sediment.
The Water of Life! Imported from Basel and sold in 10ml vials ... very expensive but SO much value. Best taken with a pinch of salt.
Druthers: To avoid enduring regrets, don't be without one of these; you never know when you'll actually need one, but they are in short supply and we have limited stocks!
New-season smidges available in 10gm and 12g bags; you don't need much to get all the benefits!
Tads. For those people who can't say no, just a tad will keep you going. Sold individually wrapped in brown crardbroad.
Every business owner should provide a tin of Gruntles in the kitchen cupboard for their employees. Especially the long-serving or lower-paid ones.
Chloride of Sodium. Special product, sold by the cake, use by the pinch with any of the products sold above for enhanced effect.
Dragon's Blood. Unfortunately this product is no longer available. We'll let you know when we get more.
High quality Tone. Oooh yeah! Finally available! However, this elusive product can only be obtained through an in-house appointment with us. Contact me for more information!